#4: Doilies

For all you ignorant country folk outside of jolly-old-you-know-where, doilies are basically frilly lace coasters. The thing is, the English got sort of carried away and decided that frilly lace must come in all shapes, sizes, and colors and should cover any and all surfaces (see fig. 1- yes, a toilet seat). That way, even the most middle class residents of West Newhamptonyorkshireville can show that they too are members of the famed and respected English aristocracy.

Figure 1

Granted, to the unrefined eye, a doily may seem like a five year old’s botched attempt at a heart-shaped paper snow flake, but to the English, a couch – wait chesterfield – draped with awkward circles of white lace somehow doesn’t look like it came out of a little girl’s doll house.

Seiously guys, just go out and buy a couch cover and some coasters. Hell, the coasters can probably even have cute fuzzy kittens on them if the 1st grader inside you insists on a touch of English elegance.